Currently Listening Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas By Danny Elfman, Marilyn Manson, Panic!@ the Disco, Fiona Apple, Fall Out Boy, Paul Reubens, Catherine O' Hara, Citizens of Halloween, Patrick Stewert This Is Halloween(The Manson Version) see related

I'm sorry...

I just went back and looked at all of my old Xanga entries.  The ones I tried to forget.  The ones I tried change and make better.  The ones that fucked with me. 

I was foolish.

How could I have possibly known what I was thinking?

I can't believe I was such an angsty bitch.

I can't believe how I made myself believe that I loved him.

I can't believe what an attention seeking whore I was.

I was so absurd in my actions. 

I can't believe I used to say "tis" and "twas" every other word.

I apologize to all of those who delt with me during those times of my life.

I apologize to those who were scared and worried.

I apologize to those who I'm not friends with anymore.

I apologize for only expressing my anger and pain.

I apologize for leaving things left unsaid.

I apologize for never telling certian people thank you.

I apologize for being a comment whore.

I apologize for typing up Rand's and my private business for the whole world to see.

I apologize to myself, for lying about everything.

I apologize for not saying the right things.

I apologize for not expressing myself clearly.

I apologize to myself for letting the bullshit go on for that long without doing anything.

I apologize to those who were forced to get involved.

I apologize to those who witnessed the bullshit, told me that it indeed WAS bullshit, and I abandoned for that reason.

I apologize to myself for not standing up for my morals.

I apologize to Hunter, for making him deal with my bull.  For scaring him.  For being afraid to express myself.  For hurting him.  For leading him on(even though it was unintentional).  For not telling him how I felt.  For not being as good of a friend as I should have been.  For not waiting. 

I'm going to spend the rest of my days trying to make up to all of you for these.  Especially you, Hunter.  You got the short end of the stick.  I'm sorry, and I love you with all that I am.

For the pain and the sorrow caused by my mistakes,

won't repent to a mortal whom is all to blame.

Now I know I will make it.

There will be a time-we'll get back our freedom.

They can't break what's inside.

I'll face it because its the heart of everything.

Currently Listening Little Mermaid Poor Unfortunate Souls see related

Good Couple of Days

So, yesterday I worked for 7 hours(killer pay check here!)

Then I hung out with Hayley and Hannah.

The I got my hair cut(totally different cut and style, much shorter but I like it a lot)

Went back to Nana's and Grandpa's, hung out with Hayley, Hanah, Dana, Josh, Casey, Jason, Sanny, Laura, Steffan, Jen, Dani, and the grandparents.

Swam for like 3 or 4 hours(and the water was warm, it was fantastic!)

Did I mention that by the time I was swimming, it was night?  So yeah, the water was beautiful to see, from both  above and below.

Fell asleep on the couch.  Woke up, said farewell to Josh and Dana.  Went home.  Slept like a rock.

TODAY:

Went shopping, bought a Sam-I-Am shirt, and an Elmo shirt.

Also bought "The Little Mermaid" soundtrack, haha.

Came home.

Now on here.

umm....that's it, lol.

Muchas Smooches!

~Jess(with the new sassy hair)~

That's Craptackular

Why is it that nobody can seem to accept other people's happiness?

Do people just go out of their way to make others miserable?

If only people could simply bow down gracefully...

Muchas Smooches!

~Jess~

Currently Listening Rosenrot By Rammstein Spring see related

Life is pretty good

I recently took up dancing again.

Not like with an instructor or anything.

Just refreshing my body in the art of ballet.

I'd forgotten how much I loved it, and how soothing it is.

Lol, its kinda strange actually...with the exception of choir and school dances...I haven't danced in years...

...and I don't really count school dances, because that's just grinding and slowdancing...

Lol, its kinda funny, when I was little, I wanted to be a part of the New York Ballet, and be a professional dancer.

If I could go back in time, and keep taking ballet, I think that my dream would still be the same.

But, as of now, all I can do is remember what I've done and re-create it.

And that's just fine with me.

Muchas Smooches!

~Jess~